eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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