you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
