i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
