now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I have fence marks all over my body
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
