I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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