And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
