I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
