Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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