You can't motorboat a personality
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
