I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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