I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
