who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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