I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
