I murdered the dance floor call the cops
well you can't waste a boner
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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