Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
It's blow job season.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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