My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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