I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
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