You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Vodka?
Forever.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
