He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
