I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
