dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
