I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
