i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
