Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
