Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
