Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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