Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
