mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
