We're like a lot better than the average bears
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
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