Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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