he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
