I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
