im six kinds of drunk right now
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
