please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
