yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
