I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Randomize
