Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
