You just made me feel so damn special
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Congratulations! We have a period
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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