i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
