i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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