I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
