I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
