he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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