well I can't set my house on fire every night
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
