There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
