I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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