Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
