My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
