More tranny stories later!
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
