I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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