Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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