oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
