peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Randomize
