is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Operation Purity has been aborted
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I'm sobbing to NWA
Randomize
