If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I think I just sharted jello shots
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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