Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
