The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
