You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
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